Grief, David, Frustrations, Prayer, the Gospel, my Savior!

I think I am in the 4th stage of the 5 Stages of Grief: Depression. I cannot be angry, even though part of me wants to. I can’t think straight. I look forward to night, then when night comes, I look forward to day. Ugh! My heart is sad. Sad for so many reasons. It is Stages-of-griefsad for so many people and their families. I want the devil to not get any glory or attention in this…. You know, the Truth- be- told, this split…is not the Great Divorce of ALL Eternity. I mean, I think we can foretaste its bitterness, but it is not all compared to when the Lord removes His Spirit from this world. Oh! I dare not imagine it. Souls that deny Him will feel His withdrawal, and wail and say “The God, your God has forsaken us!”.  ~ O. There is an ache in my heart that only the One who created me can reach. Father, I need Your help. I cannot love without Your Holy Spirit’s guidance. Praise You, Lord, that You never forsake Your own.

I am frustrated. Frustrated. Furious. Furiously Frustrated. I don’t know if I can(should) handle the  ‘petty pretty gospel lite’ show.  The ‘let’s make the Gospel Message look and  sounketchup_gospeld appealing’ to the lost. NO! The Gospel is NOT appealing. It’s NOT attractive. It doesn’t feel good…yet! The Gospel is brutal! Did you not read of Isaiah 53’s imagery of our Lord? He didn’t look like a man; He didn’t look like a human! The Gospel is brutal. It’s message invites hostility(Romans 8:7). Yes. The Gospel is the message of True Love. But how many of us know that love doesn’t look pretty. It’s beautiful, but it isn’t pretty. Some of the greatest love stories (real life marriages) were and are not based on appeal, attractive figures, nor handsome faces. They are based on real love, that sees past all the fleeting appearances(Proverbs 31:30). Praise the Lord for His Holy Spirit that does a great Work in us. He says, “this Gospel message may not look good to you, but you need this Jesus.” He shows us our ugliness and our need for Jesus and then Jesus washes us clean! Praise You, Father, for sending Jesus!

Okay, what was I saying? Oh yeah. I feel such restraints, as if I am willing placing my hands in chains, when trying to beautify the Gospel. Jesus has set us free from all of the black-man-in-chainsprogrammatic stuff…remember the Pharisees? They were not Free because they were held captive and in chains by their own man-made traditions. How sad is that! How LOST they were. It’s a terrible thing to believe you are found, while all along you are lost.

You know …(long pause)….Jesus, did not take the time to objectify what He looked or sounded like when He was teaching and doing signs and wonders, that people may believe(John 20:31). He did not record His voice to make sure He didn’t sound monotone, or repeat “um” 50 times. He didn’t create youtube videos to dress rehearse His parables. NOPE! You know what He did? He prayed! He prayed. He prayed. Do I pray like He prayed? Do I love like He loved? He spent time with the Father, alone. As He says in John 5, various verses, He did the work that the Father was doing. How did He know what the Father was doing?  Answer: By spending time with the Father. How do you know what your children are doing? You talk with them and you spend time with them. Oh, Lord, thank You for wanting to spend time with me to share with me what You are doing in and around me!

Many of us lack the faith. We lack the wisdom. We lack the grace to endure. We lack vision. We lack in knowing our Father through relationship with Jesus Christ. All because we fail to pray. Amen?  I will sorrowfully admit, I have lacked in prayer at times. I have gone prayer-church-16x9days, weeks without spending true time in prayer with my LORD. And oh how miserable I was! I blind and FULL of ME, I had become. How lost I began to feel….you know, that drifting feeling. But, praise be to our God He is always there waiting for us to come to Him with a repentant heart. (It is a sin not to pray, you know) [1 Thessalonians 5:17, Luke 18:1-8, 1 Peter 4:7]. He beckons me to come eat, drink and be satisfied in Him. Oh, what great joy to know that my Father longs to be with me.

Well, I am feeling a little calmer now. My mind is settling down. I believe I have said all I was suppose to say, for now. I will close with the Word of the Lord.

John 5:19-20

‘So Jesus said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of his own accord, but only what he sees the Father doing. For whatever the Father does, that the Son does likewise. For the Father loves the Son and shows him all that he himself is doing. And greater works than these will he show him, so that you may marvel.’

Do you marvel at what Jesus is doing in you and through you?


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